i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
