The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Randomize
