I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
