i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
