All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
