Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
