to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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