i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
