i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
