i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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