my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Congratulations! We have a period
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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