Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
