mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
