I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
