That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
