FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
