talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The cops high fived after they tackled you
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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