I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
