Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Randomize
