It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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