Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
