Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
