the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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