Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am one with the molecules
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
