I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
