ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I love having hate sex.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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