i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
