I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
