new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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