I don't usually arrange sex via text message
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
