i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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