1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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