how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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