he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
