dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
