Screwed.edu
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
