We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I will be naked everywhere
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
