its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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