I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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