I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
