My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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