just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
