you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
