i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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