As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
