I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
