So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
