i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Fuck appropriateness.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
