Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
well you can't waste a boner
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
