making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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