Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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