I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
