Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I lost the right to judge tonight
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
