I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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