I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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