Me too!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
