I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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