Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
