There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
