I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
